


Life Ain't Always Beautiful

by PenOnPaper_HeartOnSleeve



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Depression, F/M, Major character death - Freeform, Talk of Suicide in later chapters
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-23
Updated: 2017-02-18
Packaged: 2018-05-28 13:40:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6331393
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PenOnPaper_HeartOnSleeve/pseuds/PenOnPaper_HeartOnSleeve
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>During the Battle of Hogwarts, Ron's whole life is turned upside down and wretched from his hands. Pain, grief and sorrow will be his companions in the following time after the Battle. And just when he thinks he can't go on, he gets a surprising visit that turns him upright again. </p><p>I currently have this story on FanFiction under the name: WildForWeasley. But I'm gonna be tweaking it on here as well as updating there.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Preface

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! So this was originally an idea that came to me a long time ago because I absolutely adore the song and all I could think about was Ron being in pain?? I don't know I'm sadistic I guess but anyway..... But I was working on it on Fanfiction.net but I really like A03's layout and site much better so I've moved it here! I'm gonna be trying to update as much as possible, posting once a week but if I just keep writing I may just update every other day or so. Don't forget, if you have any questions or wanna cuss me out or something, you can definitely message me! Don't forget to review!
> 
> And as always, DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of the characters from Harry Potter or the italicized words in the beginning. I took the section from Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, and some of the canon details that happened around the time. So basically some of this belongs to Joe. But I do own the plot! :)
> 
> Also, as you'll read, there will be some changing in points of view. I know I did this. I did it for a reason but it will only be in Ron's POV in future chapters.

_Life ain't always beautiful_  
_Sometimes it's just plain hard_  
_Life can knock you down_  
_It can break your heart_

 

* * *

 

 

_The air exploded. They had been grouped together, Harry, Ron, Hermione, Fred, and Percy, the two Death Eaters at their feet, one Stunned, the other Transfigured; and in that fragment of a moment, when danger seemed temporarily at bay, the world was rent apart. Harry felt himself flying through the air, and all he could do was hold as tightly as possible to that thin stick of wood that was his one and only weapon, and shield his head in his arms: He heard the screams and yells of his companions without a hope of knowing what had happened to them—_

_And then the world resolved itself into pain and semidarkness: He was half buried in the wreckage of a corridor that had been subjected to a terrible attack. Cold air told him that the side of the castle had been blown away, and hot stickiness on his cheek told him that he was bleeding copiously. Then he heard a terrible cry that pulled at his insides, that expressed agony of a kind neither flame not curse could cause, and he stood up, swaying, more frightened than he had been that day, more frightened, perhaps, than he had been in his life…_

_And Hermione was struggling to her feet in the wreckage, and three redheaded men were grouped on the ground where the wall had blasted apart. Harry grabbed Hermione's hand as they staggered and stumbled over stone and wood._

_"No— no — no!" someone was shouting. "No! Fred! No!"_

_And Percy was shaking his brother, and Ron was kneeling beside them, and Fred's eyes stared without seeing, the ghost of his last laugh still etched upon his face._

Hermione stumbled on the wreckage as she approached the group of redheads, her eyes glazing over with sad tears. Her small hand covered her opened mouth, unsure of what to think. How could Fred be dead? She looked down to look at his crumpled body, his legendary smile still painted on his lips. All around her the chaos seemed to mute, if only for just a moment. Her chest began to ache and it took her a moment to gather her thoughts and push through the grief. Moving her eyes upward, she saw Ron and his grief beginning to be justified by his anger. His hands were shaking as he gripped the robes of his brother, his bright eyes began to dull and become glazed over. Hermione stepped forward hesitantly, biting her lip as she looked at him. Before she could say anything, jets of green light began to fly through the area and she knew that it wasn't safe. She knew that if they stayed there, they would have the same fate as Fred.

"Harry, we have to go!" Hermione yelled over to him, motioning to the group around Fred. "We can't stay here!" She said before shooting off numerous spells as a way to cover the others. 

Harry seemed to get back on the same track as he rushed over to Fred's body. "We got to go. C'mon, Ron!" He said, said pulling at his best mate's arm. He knew that he was hurting. They all were. But they had to get up. "C'mon, help me get him somewhere safe." He added and with that, Ron and Percy helped Harry carry Fred's body to a small area behind a nearby statue. He couldn't look down at the body. He couldn't come to the conclusion that here was another person who died for him. His jaw tightened as he focused on hiding the body. 

Once they had Fred's body hidden, Harry turned only to find Percy running off with his wand held high, screaming "ROOKWOOD!" before he disappeared behind a corner. Harry turned to the others to find Hermione, with incredible strength, pulling Ron away from his brother's retreating form. 

_She had pulled Ron behind a tapestry. They seemed to be wrestling together, and for one mad second Harry thought that they were embracing again; then he saw that Hermione was trying to restrain Ron, to stop him running after Percy. “Listen to me–LISTEN RON!”_

_“I wanna help–I wanna kill Death Eaters–“_ _His face was contorted, smeared with dust and smoke, and he was shaking with rage and grief._

_“Ron, we’re the only ones who can end it! Please–Ron–we need the snake, we’ve got to kill the snake!” said Hermione._

 Ron nodded, his throat constricting as he managed to push down his grief, his hands squeezing hers for a moment. Hermione gave him a small, watery smile before leading him back over to Harry. "Okay. Okay, so what now?" He questioned to Harry. 

"The snake. We need to figure out where Vold-" Hermione was cut off as a jet of green light brushed by her head.

She whipped around, her wand stretched outwards to see Bellatrix Lestrange smirking madly. "Well if it isn't little miss mudblood." She purred softly, sending another shot of green light towards her. She quickly dodged it and sent a spell towards her. She tilted her head to glance at Ron and Harry, who'd both raised their wands. "And poor Freddie. Seems he won't be able to go home with dear old mummy." She cackled, sending another curse her way.

All the sudden, there were about half a dozen Death Eaters blocking the boys from Hermione. Smaller battles began to commence behind her, red and green jets of light being exchanged as the owners dodged death. 

This continued for a few minutes, each spell being dodged or bouncing off and hitting the wall. Harry and Ron had managed to take down all of them except for Dolohov in their own battle. But they were unable to take him down for good. In their own battle, Hermione stretched out her wand to send another assault towards the woman who tortured her, but her footing was jarred and she stumbled backwards. At that moment, Dolohov shot a spell forcefully towards Ron. He ducked out of the way, his wand outstretched to return the attack when he heard a rumble from behind and was instantly bombarded by large pieces of stone. As he ran forward, he felt a large stone land heavily on the back of his leg. He let out a shrill of pain when the stones sharp edge dug into his leg, stationing him on the ground.

Hermione turned as she heard the sound of his pain, her eyes meeting his for a moment. Before she could turn back to her foe, Bellatrix took her chance and sent a strong jet of green light towards the young witch. It sunk into her back, her eyes going wide for a moment before her chocolate iris' faded to dull. Ron screamed as he watched her fall to her knees, her eyes glazing over. She slumped onto the ground, her wand falling from her hand and her breathe ceasing.

"Seems Mudblood won't be seeing dear old mummy either." She cackled, sending a wink towards Ron before running off singing, " _I killed Hermione Granger!_ " 

It all seemed unreal to him. No, it was a dream, a nightmare. Anything other than reality. With all he could, he shoved the stone off of him. He crawled on his stomach towards the body of his best friend. His girlfriend. His soulmate. He heard Harry sniff behind him before the thuds of running footsteps. He glanced up to find Harry running off in the near distance and sending the Killing Curse to hit Bellatrix square in the back. Ron couldn't help the malice from lacing his small happiness when she went crashing to the ground; she had killed too many to have no punishment. 

Harry finally came running back, barely glancing at Hermione's body as he helped Ron get the stone off of his leg. 

He hissed in pain as he brought himself up to his knees, but he would gladly take the pain of his leg rather than the emptiness and the hollowness that he was feeling as he looked down at her body. He laid her across his lap, holding her close to him. The tears fled down his cheeks. He didn't bother to hide them.

He had forgotten that he was in the middle of a war. He had forgotten everything. He looked down at her wide eyed expression, his teeth biting down on his bottom lip. He held her head gently, brushing away a stray curl.

He felt a grip on his arm, becoming tighter as he restrained. "Ron." He turned his head slightly to see Harry looking not at him, but at her. His lip was trembling and his eyes were bloodshot. His grip became tighter on his sleeve, like Ron was the only thing holding him down.

He returned his gaze towards the girl in her arms. He felt Harry knell beside him, his hand gripping her cold hand. Ron's thumb caressed her cheek softly with his thumb as a tear ran down his long nose and hit her cheek. "H-Hermione…"

 


	2. In and Out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update but this chapter was really hard to write, especially because most of the emotion and parallels are coming from a personal loss. But I promise this isn't going to be a normal thing! Hope you all enjoy this chapter and don't forget to leave comments and a kudos! I would really appreciate it! <3

A strangled gasp filled the darkness as Ron awoke sharply, face hot and sticky from the sweats which that nights' nightmare brought. His chest heaved, his panting gasps rang hard against the silence of the darkened room. He sat up in his bed, his wand tight in one hand as he took the Deluminator from yesterday's jeans and clicked with shaky hands. Soon the tiny room was filled with a dull light, showing the shadows of his childhood room and his shaking hands as his grip on his wand loosened and his breathing slowed. 

It had only been a week since the Battle of Hogwarts. It had only been a week since the fall of Voldemort and the celebration of a new Era. It had also been only a week since he lost two of the most important people in his life. His day to day had changed. Everyone in the Wizarding World was celebrating, happy in the fact that there was no preceding danger in their lives. Their families were safe. All was well. For them at least. 

The Weasley family closed ranks together as families do in regards to the death of Fred. There were meals that the only sounds made were the scraping of forks on china and a chair dragging against the floorboards as Mrs. Weasley would find another dish to wash or another counter to wipe down for the hundredth time that day. There were comforting glances and family talks that always ended with tears in their eyes and tight embraces. 

There were also moments where privacy was crucial. There were moments where Ron himself had locked himself in the small bedroom and ignored the sharp knocks of his mother's gentle prodding. He couldn't blame her. She was only trying to help, trying to make sure her son was okay. 

But he wasn't. And he didn't know if he would ever be okay again. The pain in his chest twisted every moment he saw his brother, knowing that he too was missing a piece of himself and reminded him that his brother was gone forever. Never to pull another prank and never to grace everyone's lips with a smile. Fred had gone and he took the laughter from the world with him, it seemed. 

But the worst feeling was when the distractions were gone and he was alone. That's when he thought of her the most. Of course, he thought of her almost every moment of his day to day. How could he not? But when the lights are down and his shallow breathing is the only noise to shake in the night, it was the last look she gave him that was burned into his mind. And he relived those horrible moments again when he closed his eyes. They never changed, never faltered from the truth. 

Ron released his wand from his grip, letting it drop onto the bed beside him as his large hand rubbed his scruffed face as another sigh slipped his lips. His tired eyes moved to the clock to his bedside, closing in revelation before swinging his long legs over the bed. He felt the all too familiar sensation of tears rolling silently and slowly down his cheeks. 

Today was the day he had been dreading. The day to say goodbye. 

* * *

 

It felt like years since he woke that morning as it seemed he was looking at the same spot between his feet for hours. Far off, it seemed, was the clouded noise of a busy house as everyone in the Weasley home readied themselves for the dreaded funeral. He was ready but it took him a while. For every time he slipped on the black robes with trembling hands, his already shaky breath turned to blurry vision and sobs catching in his throat. But once he calmed down and he was looking at his blotchy face in the mirror, fingers trailing the collar of his robes, he could feel her memory clouded his mind. 

_"Come here, Ronald."_

_Ron sighed in_ frustration _, dropping the untied ends of his bowtie against his chest as he turned to Hermione. She was in a pair of jeans and a plain jumper but Merlin, she looked the prettiest with wild hair as a halo. The frustration melted almost immediately as he stood in front of her, watching her dainty fingers weaving the bowtie together slowly but carefully, like a master sculpture creating his masterpiece. His eyes didn't stay on her hands for long, for they found her almost peaceful face and he was lost._

_He took his time taking in her features; this war and the upcoming terror that they'll face finding the Horcruxes suddenly made him aware that they were not invincible. They could die; children die in war and that's what they were. Just children fighting a war that was thrust upon them. But if he were to die he wanted to recall every feature of hers in his dying seconds. He wanted to remember the softness of her cheek and the way the rushed blood when they locked eyes for longer than friends do. He wanted to remember the way her nose crinkled when trying to solve something, whether it be homework back at Hogwarts or where the first Horcrux would be in the upcoming journey. He wanted to remember her in all that she was._

_"There you are. Good as new." His thoughts were cut short at her voice, like the calling of a soft bluejay in the spring air.  
_

_He smiled as he looked down at the, of course, perfectly knotted bow tie at his neck. "Thanks, Hermione. I can never get these bloody things tied." He said with a slightly nervous chuckle as his eyes went back to her amused expression. He watched as she, almost hesitantly, started to straighten up his collar. His breath hitched as her fingers traced against his skin, his chest rising at her sudden closeness. It felt like ages that her skin was against his before she pulled her hands back slowly, keeping the closeness as she looked up to meet his eyes.  
_

_He knew she was thinking the same thing as he; she was close and her own chest seemed to be in the same rhythm as his. That smoldering stare that had confused him in school had softened and was hesitating to make the next move. He couldn't move but he didn't want to. He wanted to be trapped in that stare with those beautiful brown eyes forever...  
_

_Because good things always end far too quickly, there was a bang of the door opening as Ginny stood in the doorway. "Hey, Hermione. Have you seen my....oh."  
_

_Her interruption broke Ron from the spell and he was sure he was glaring daggers towards his younger sister for she had adopted a knowing smirk as her attention turned towards Hermione.  
_

_And then she was gone with a gentle smile and rosy cheeks.  
_

Ron could feel the strange stretch of his lips turning to a soft smile as he came to, the action seeming to be so foreign to his features. He was in the same room as before but it was colder and his eyes were wetter and he was alone. Soon, the smile had receded into himself as if his emotions realized that he was too happy in the moment. 

He heard the creak of the door opening and for the first moment, he didn't care if the company saw his misty eyes as he sat hunched over on his bed. His hands clasped together on his knees, he waited almost patiently for the person to say something or comment with the never changing "I'm sorry, Ron." or "Are you okay, Ron?" But they never came. 

He felt the mattress sag beside him slightly and a warmth against his side as a hand clasped his shoulder gently in hopes of silent comfort. He closed his eyes. 

"I don't think I can do this, Harry." He breathed out shakily, his voice hoarse. 

He felt a squeeze of his hand, Harry's thumb rubbing hesitant circles on his shoulder.

"I don't think I can either." 

Ron nodded, putting his face in his hands as he tried to focus on breathing. 

_In and out._

Maybe they can get through it. He had heard that once you get through the funeral, the hardest part is over. But it couldn't be over. The hurt will still be there and the stinging will stay dormant for days to come. Years to come. 

_In and out._

He squeezed his eyes shut tight as the tears threatened him again. He latched onto the feeling of Harry's hand steady on his shoulder to ground himself. He hadn't even left his room yet. How could he make it through the funeral?

_In and out._

"We can get through this together, Ron." Harry's voice shook, as if on cue to conform to his thoughts. "We can do this." He said again as if to convince himself. 

Ron nodded and took a staggering deep breath before removing his face from his hands, his jaw set tight as he looked to Harry's own misty eyes. "Together." He agreed.

* * *

_In and out._

 

 

Ron had to remind himself how to breathe as he walked down the aisle of arranged chairs. His eyes wandering, taking in the beautiful and cool summer air as he seen every face staring at him. Among the mourners were familiar faces. Professor McGonagall was a few rows back, clutching a wadded up tissue as she gave Ron a thin and forced smile. Neville was amongst the former classmates, holding the hand of Hannah Abbott. There were loads of people there, mainly from school and former professors. There were two persons missing from the roster that should have been there and if it were up to Ron, they would be. 

_"Ron, you have to promise me something."_

_Hermione and Ron were in the drawing room of Grimmauld Place, talking in hushed voices as Harry slept soundly beside them. Ron was lying on the floor, eyes cast up as Hermione looked down from the antique couch she laid on. They had just narrowly escaped the first and definitely not their last encounter with Death Eaters and the adrenaline and thoughts were rushing.  
_

_"Promise you what, 'Mione?" Ron responded gently, meeting her careful eyes.  
_

_She was silent for a long moment before she spoke and Ron held on to every word. "If...something happens to me, I don't want you to bring my parents back. I know it sounds terrible but," Hermione said quickly shaking her head and taking a deep breath. "I don't want them to learn that they have a daughter and what I did to them, then learning that I'm gone. It'll kill them, Ron."  
_

_He thought long and hard for a moment, unsure of what to say. He hated thinking about that possibility but in the current state of things, it was possible. For all three of them, it was possible. After a long moment, he sighed softly and nodded. "If you're sure. But you have to really be sure, Hermione. What if the spell wears off and they know who they really are and who /you/ are and come looking for you?"  
_

_Hermione smiled sadly and shook her head. "It won't wear off." She murmured, the sadness evident in her voice. "There's no way it can."  
_

_Ron's hand weaved up the space between them and intertwined in hers, his fingers softly circling her soft skin in comfort. She relaxed into his touch and he saw a soft and warm smile overcome the sadness on her lips. He nodded at her request, hoping he would never have to uphold it.  
_

_"Thank you, Ron."  
_

"Ron? Are you okay?" 

The voice stirred Ron from his memory, his hazel eyes going to meet his mother's before he nodded. "M'fine." He said with a small, sad smile on his lips. Mrs. Weasley returned the sad smile and rubbed his cheek softly, showing her support and trying to give him comfort. 

He made his way to the seating of the front row, followed by Harry and the rest of the Weasley's. He sat down between his mother and Harry, relishing in both of their comfort beside him. Mrs. Weasley's hand gripped his forearm in comfort while Harry's shoulders were pressed against his. It was the quiet presence that gave Ron comfort from his friend and he knew the same went for Harry. He could see Ginny's hand weaved into his and found a small smile curling his lips.

The murmuring in the company slowly dwindled down, causing Ron's smile to fade as his eyes cast upward to the Ministry official. He cleared his throat and began speaking in a monotone voice. "Let's...begin." 

The funeral program drug on, much to Ron's dismay. There were multiple times where his eyes had stuck to the view of her casket, her wild hair sticking out even though she was laying deep in the box. He decided to focus on the strands when the words from the funeral director and speakers got too emotional for him to listen to. Which, unfortunately, was most of the service. 

There were so many speakers, Ron lost count of all the "such a bright mind", "brightest witch of her age" and "took too soon" comments that were littered in the speeches. It took all from him not to scoff; they didn't know her. They didn't know the way she tucked in a strand of her hair behind her ear when she was concentrating. They didn't know the way she inhaled sharply and her nose flared when she was building a retort inside her head. 

Before Ron knew it, he was being shaken slightly by Harry and the noise of hushed murmurs flooding around him. He looked up, noting the blurred edges of his vision as he watched the people walk out of the aisles and towards the exit. 

It had ended. And it seemed like he didn't even get to say goodbye. 


End file.
